The Things Kids Say Sometimes ...

Warning: This is going to be a long post, but I have this burning to share some pretty radical stuff that's been going on inside and out and all around me ... and our family lately. I have to get it on our blog for the girls ... the urge was there to share last night, but I didn't ... not going to ignore it tonight. So bear with me.

Before Brett and I started trying to have children, we shared our hopes of how many we'd like to have one day, God willing, and how adoption would be an option if we were led to do so ... and if necessary to complete our hopes in having a family. We talked about how "cool" it would be to start off with twin boys ... not sure why, but we did. We immediately had two strong family names picked out for boys and still think they're pretty great ... Just obviously haven't needed them. :) We obviously knew that we wanted more than one child and I even so bravely said that four would be wonderful ... Ummm, what?! Ha ha! Fast forward ... the day or day after we brought Briley home from the hospital, we mentioned how one child actually MIGHT just be enough for us. Of course, it wasn't and two years later, we tried again and it worked again.

We have been blessed in the sense that we became pregnant after only one try with both of our girls. That "need" of possibly adopting one day that we talked about as newly weds or even when we were dating hasn't been necessary in that sense. We can't imagine our lives without our precious daughters and are truly grateful to our God for entrusting them to us. They have already taught us so much and have brought so much joy into our lives ... can't say we haven't had our share of off days, but, hey, that's part of parenting. We're not perfect by any means. The important thing is that what we have is a family and we have love in and around our family. God has his hand in our family and nothing will ever separate us from his love.

Brett and I started attending Buckhead Church in 2003. We consider this church our home church and consider it very dear to our hearts for many reasons. Other important conversations have sparked because of sermons that have touched us or relationships that have formed since first attending, worship songs that have become favorites, etc. Two topics of conversations that stand out more than any right now are mission trips and adoption. The two topics, in our hearts, are not ones to take lightly. We have always said that deep prayer and a deep desire must take place before we would ever pursue either ... would completely have to, with out a shadow of a doubt, be led by God and not be something we would decide ourselves. This is something I've been praying about more than ever this year ... just for Him to prepare our hearts, to give us a heart's desire, if either is His will for us. Which brings me to why I'm blogging tonight. This burning down deep in my soul is becoming stronger by the day lately and the more I pray, the more it seems God is giving me radical clarity ... I think anyway.

Let me explain ... for about seven weeks now my family and I have been going through a BIG faith growing season. It's been tough, really tough, exhausting, emotionally straining, frustrating, but more importantly, it's been eye-opening, challenging, exciting, outside our comfort zone, full of love, vulnerability, brokenness, unexpected, full of revealing scripture, encouraging stories, friends, family, worship music, giggles, feeling like a child moments, dancing, laughing, relevant moments, relevant situations, prayer, prayer, prayer, joy, full of joy, full of God, full of Christ. We have been praying a prayer that Buckhead Church has been praying. It comes from Psalm 90:12.
“Heavenly Father, teach me to number my days that I might gain a heart of wisdom and fulfill your purpose for my life." There is power in prayer, point blank. Our Heavenly Father hears every single prayer and feels every single tear we cry. He has made it known that he has been hearing ours.

The Thursday before July 4th, Briley and I went to a bookstore to grab some Silly Bandz for one of my college best friends' two boys. We were getting ready to visit them for a long weekend and meeting her sons for the first time. Anyways, while taking a potty break, Briley, out of the blue, says, "I have a big brother in my belly," and lifts up her shirt to show me. Ummm, okay?. I brushed it off as a silly moment from my 3 year old. Must have been because of seeing me pregnant with her little sister. It seems like our friend, Sara, actually heard her say it sometime after then, but I don't remember at the moment. A few weeks before the bookstore trip, though, Brett and I borrowed "The Blind Side" from our friends, Valerie and Kyle. We watched it one Sunday afternoon during the girls' nap time and within the first couple of minutes we were choked up ... and didn't stop until after the movie was over. Great movie and it touched us like it did so many others, I'm sure.

Okay, back to Briley ...a few weeks ago, after saying the blessing for dinner, Briley points over to the always empty chair in front of the window and this conversation took place:

Briley: We're missing someone.
Brett or Me: We're missing someone?
Briley: Yes, we're missing a big kid.
Brett and I stop and look at her ... Ummm, okay.
Briley: We're missing a boy. A big brother is in my tummy.
Me: Briley, that big brother has been in your tummy for a while now, hasn't he? What's his name?
Briley: I don't know ... (and proceeds coming up with silly names.)

Started praying even more about what this may or may not mean ... asking for guidance, clarity, wisdom. Around the same time, I was led to the book of James. Not that I've never been in this book before, but so many verses in this book became so relevant all of the sudden ... things that have led up to this point including scripture that was starting to align with how God's moving in my life right now, in my family's life. Moments of God whispers ... causing me to smile and to even cry at times. I received an email from a friend the first of August who was sharing a post that spoke to her that day from another blog she follows. James 1:27 is the core of this particular blogger's family ... a truly inspiring family and I couldn't help but find it interesting how James 1:22-25 had been speaking to me in ways that it never had before (it's also on a t-shirt I've worn off and on over the past year ... before and after Avery pregnancy) around the same time this blog crossed my path.

Praying ... harder about this and many other things also going on within our family. Clarity, please. :)

Many, many things have happened in between all of this. Great things. Radical God moments and I know it's because of our open hearts, or our complete trust in God during the past seven weeks ... More than ever before, as a couple anyway. Last week, I was home ALL week with sick babies. Avery was looking like she was on the mends by Wednesday, but then by Wednesday night, Briley was sick. Anyway, on Thursday I pulled out a book that my cousin had given me Christmas '08, "What Happens When Women Say Yes To God" by Lysa Terkeurst. I started it right after Christmas, but once we got pregnant last year (February) I put the book down. My focus was then shifted on my morning sickness ... ugh ... and rest. So, picked it back up last week to be a part of my devotion and opened it where I left off which was a few pages into chapter 3 ... figured I would just start over from beginning of this chapter and quickly remembered reading this last year, but this time it spoke MUCH louder. Why? because of talk of how she was led to stop watching television for a while (a few weeks ago, I realized just how much I enjoyed a week of no tv and had wonderful thoughts of what could happen if we gave it up for a while) and the word orphanage ... which then led me to re-read chapter 2 where I ran across James 1:27 again, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." Lots of other very good stuff in these chapters making it all the more relevant.

By Sunday morning, this past Sunday morning, Briley was "at it again." Brett had made his way back into bed for a quick cat nap before getting ready for church and I had just laid Avery down for her own short nap. I was downstairs in our sitting room having some quiet time when Briles comes be-bopping in front of me ...

Briley: We're missing a boy. We don't have any boys down here.
Me: No, we sure don't.
Briley: We need a boy down here.
Me: Daddy's upstairs.
Briley: Yeah, he's upstairs, but we need two boys. That would be a good idea, wouldn't it?
Me: Briley do you want a brother, baby?
Briley: Yeah.
Me: A baby brother or a big brother?
Briley: A big brother.
Me: Go tell Daddy that you want a big brother.
Briley: K.
...
Daddy: Did Mommy get you to tell me that?
Me: :)
A few minutes later I shared what had happened.

This week, I've shared with only a couple of friends our latest conversations with Briley only to find that I'm getting more stories or possibly confirmation that there might just be something there ... And then yesterday happens ...

The girls and I pulled into the garage from being at Weekday.

Briley: We're missing a boy. Daddy's not here. Is he?
Me: No, he's not here, yet ... Just us girls.
Briley: No, he's not.
Me: So, you're talking about the missing boy being Daddy.
Briley: Yeah, but I'm talking about that other boy, too. My big brother. He's not in my tummy. We need another kid, but it would still be us, too.
Me: (Where is this coming from???? Tears are in my eyes this time. Lord, is this the clarity I've been praying for? Where is she getting all of this from??? I. Don't. Get. It?)
Me: Briley, baby, do you want a big brother? Do you want mommy and daddy to have a baby brother or do you want a big brother?
Briley: (In a voice that was confident as she stared away and mind you, we're still in the van. I'm still in the driver's seat and girls are still buckled ... van is still running.) A big brother. One this tall ... (and she reaches her arms out and up.)
Me: Honey, what do you want him to look like?
Briley: I don't know.
Me: You don't care, you just want a big brother?
Briley: Yes, ma'am.
Me: Tear-filled eyes.

Shared conversation with Brett shortly after. All of this is beyond us. The thought actually makes Brett's stomach churn and I have my reservations when I allow myself to think about it, but that's what makes this so amazing because if it's God's will, it's going to be bigger than us, but not bigger than Him. We could easily stand in the way of experiencing God in radicals ways if we listen to our self doubts ... if we allow ourselves to drown in the worldly noise and I know I have at times in my life, but I long for so much more. I don't want to live this way anymore. I don't want my girls, my family to miss our calling whatever it may be. Praying ... clarity wash over me, for this and so many other things in our life right now.

Today, while I was getting my new do, I was sharing a little of this story with the colorist I had just met, but clicked with. Dunno why, but felt led to and the way she responded was ... radical. She shared how God could truly be using Briley to reach us ... something that Brett and I had talked about, had wondered, something I've been also been praying about. Clarity. Funny thing, while in the middle of sharing, one of my favorite songs, one that's on our blog's playlist at the bottom of the page, "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" came on ... brought tears to my eyes ... and chills. (It's the little things ... or is this big? :) There were also other highlights during our time of conversation that I shared with Brett once I got home ... And then, at dinner, Briley opened up the big brother conversation once again. Unreal, I know. Radical, I know. What in the world, I know.
After blessing ...

Briley: (Pointing to empty chair) A person is still missing. A girl or boy. (under her breath, but where we both heard. Better believe she had our full attention.)
Brett: A boy or girl?
Briley: No, a boy.
Me: A baby boy or big boy?
Briley: A big boy.
Brett: What does he look like?
Briley: Dunno.
Brett: What color hair?
Briley: Green. (Okay, this is silly talk, I'm thinking.) That's silly, isn't it? (She giggles.)
Brett: What color skin?
Briley: Black.
Brett: So, maybe his eyes are green.
Briley: His eyes are yellow. He has yellow eyes. That's silly, isn't it? (giggles)

Okay, then. Well ... We talked about it after dinner a little more. Let me also add this ... Last Sunday night, a neighbor shared a little about a book he had been reading. Later that night, we showed interest in getting the name of the book since it had slipped our minds. On Wednesday, he dropped it in our mailbox ... The name of this book is "A Hole In Our Gospel" by Richard Stearns, the founder of World Vision. We haven't started reading it, yet, and not that it has anything to do with any of this, but it could. Now, are we heading out to an adoption agency tomorrow? No, and besides we have two birthday parties to go to in the morning! ;) But are we ignoring all that has led up to this point? Absolutely not. Are we being led to one day adopt or go on a mission trip? Don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. We'll continue praying, specifically for God to prepare us, to prepare our hearts for his plan in our lives, to prepare the heart of our son if this is His will so if/ when the day comes, we'll know without a shadow of a doubt that we are fulfilling His purpose in what will be a radical act of obedience. We'll continue being obedient and continue seeking Him, His wisdom, His love and we will wait and find joy in our journey in Christ.

I feel better. I truly needed to share this for whatever reason. G'nite!
(And if you feel a nudge to share what's on your heart after reading this, please, do so. I'd love to hear.)